Halfway mark!

I have officially reached the halfway point in my pregnancy.  I'm 21 weeks today, and while it's exciting to realize he could be here in as little as 14 or 15 weeks (assuming I make it to 36 weeks or more), it is BEYOND terrifying.  I think it really hit me this past few days that I will be in charge of a life other than my own, and not only in charge of it, but this little life is dependent on me for food, shelter, infinite amounts of love, to make sure nothing and no one ever hurts him.  The pressure is immense, and scary.  I already love him so much and want nothing but the most amazing, beautiful things for him... that the thought of failing him is the scariest thing I've ever faced in my life.

Before, all I thought of were the silly things... what sort of stroller should I buy, will he like the stripes in his nursery?, I wonder if he'll have blue eyes like Justin... and now, all I can think of are fears that I won't measure up.  I hope I can be everything he needs me to be whenever he needs me to be it.  I don't know if Justin feels this same type of pressure or fear, but over the past few days, it has been eating away at me.  I suppose we won't know until he's here, and we're both in the game together, trying to figure out each play.  All we can do is be our very best.

On a lighter note... here's are some updated pictures.  20 weeks on top, 21 weeks on bottom.

I'm finally starting to look a bit more pregnant, although when I look in the mirror, I just see an extra layer of chubbiness that I wish would go away! I feel him moving all the time and Thursday night, April 18, Justin felt him kick for the very first time!  Granted, I was making him press hardly on my stomach but, he felt him!  It was a really sweet moment to see Justin so excited, and I think it made it a little more "real" to him.  I wonder how out of the loop dads really feel.  Women get 9 (10) months to prepare their bodies and get to know their little one, and dads just have a baby plopped in their hands.  I imagine it's strange for them!  

Anywho, no other updates here.  Kitchen and bathroom remodel will be taking place in June and I will certainly be updating with pictures then.  Baby shower planning is underway and I can't wait to see how it all turns out.  My mom is doing a wonderful job!

18 weeks & counting (plus other news!)

I haven't updated in a while, mostly because I've been extremely lazy but also because there has been so much going on, I haven't even known where to start.

Justin turned 30 on March 28!  I made him a treat for work and got him a sweet card, as well as came up with Thirty Things I love about him and had it as a surprise at his office thanks to a friend who printed it off for me.  If all goes well, he'll soon be taking guitar lessons so he can learn how to play on his dad's guitar.  I think he's really looking forward to it.  We had a huge party planned for the following Saturday but of course, he and I both came down with what seemed to be a 48 hour stomach flu/bug at 3 a.m. Saturday morning.  Needless to say, Easter and his birthday party were both canceled.  Not a fun weekend.

We had our 18 week anatomy ultrasound on April 1st and the little baby was officially confirmed to be all BOY!  We definitely saw his boy parts so there's no denying we have a little man on the way.  I consider myself fairly independent (almost to a fault, sometimes) but this is the first time I'm really looking to Justin for support as I don't know the first thing about boys.  Of course I know to love him and nurture him and teach him just the same as girls, but a mother has to do things differently with a boy.  I suppose I should reach out to all the moms of boys out there and figure out some tips :)

Now that we know for sure, we have continued on with the nursery.  We are doing a nautical/whale theme but we'll leave it at that.  I will post pictures when it's completed.  I want it to be a surprise!

As far as the pregnancy goes, I'm doing well and Justin is hanging in there.  No weird cravings, nothing I just NEED to have at 2 a.m., although Justin consistently reminds me he'd be happy to get whatever I want.  If anything, I have a serious loss of appetite and get full almost instantly.  It's almost like the best diet I've ever been on, except I'm supposed to be gaining weight.  I am sure that will come in the next few weeks.  I still don't have a "baby bump" (hate that term), but I'm sure that will come very soon, too!

I suppose since it's still not very real to me, I am worried about superficial things (does that make me a bad mom-to-be?).  I am terrified of stretch marks, although I know they are unavoidable and all a matter of genetics.  I am also watching far too many birth videos and for some crazy reason, I think I want to have this baby naturally (what. am. I. thinking?) instead of having some medicated, sterile birth where I can't move out of the bed and labor the way nature says you're supposed to... I'll probably change my mind 15 more times. More on that later.

The last big piece of news is that I have started to feel him move!  At first I wasn't sure if it was him, but after the last week, I'm positive it is!  He is relatively active during the day and seems to be a sleepy boy at night, so I'm praying that schedule stays.  Unlikely!

More after our next appointment on April 15... and when we meet with our kitchen/bathroom guy to discuss concepts and remodeling!  Can't wait for that!! It's been a long time coming!!