Bonded.

27 weeks.  13 weeks to go.

Dear Baby T:

Last night, you and I had a special moment together.  It was about 2 a.m., and your dad was sound asleep next to me.  You have had a really good pattern of not waking me up in the middle of the night until you jolted me awake with one swift kick to the ribs.  Instead of getting up and moving around, I decided to lay on my side and wait for another kick or movement.  I poked and prodded for a few minutes and you had absolutely none of it, ignoring each intrusion into your personal space.  I waited a few more minutes, rested my hand on my stomach and almost fell asleep when you kicked me again, this time straight into my palm.  I moved my hand and pressed inward again and you kicked me again, right into my palm.  We played this game for a few minutes before you, presumably, went back to sleep.  Instead of falling right back asleep myself, you left me with racing thoughts. It was the very first time you responded to me and it was such a beautiful feeling; it was the first true "connection".  It made me wonder about your little personality, already so developed and playful, and it made me question my ability to keep up with you as you get older and mischevious like little boys do.  It also made me fall in love with you, right then and there, and I thought you should know that there is nothing in this entire world that I wouldn't do for you. 

Your dad and I talked about this the other day for a very brief period of time, but it didn't take long for us to conclude we were on the same page:  We can't wait for you to get here and for you to become our world.  You already are, but it sure would be nice to see your sweet face so I can finally put your face with your name.

See you soon,
Mom

23 weeks, plus other news!

Today marks my 23rd week of pregnancy and it has been a relatively glorious week!  I am finally starting to feel and actually LOOK pregnant, rather than looking like I might have binged a little too hard on the Ben & Jerry's.  I feel great, may or may not be eating my weight in fruit lately (so weird!) and have definitely gone into nesting mode.  I am so eager to finish the nursery, but I have had such a difficult time actually deciding what to do with it or what colors to paint.  For example....

 I begged Justin to paint this wall exactly as it is pictured above... and so he did.  It turns out I wasn't such a huge fan of the shade of the blue and now, I am having him repaint the entire wall, stripes included.  Justin is a doting husband who loves me a lot and really just wants to make me shut up make me happy, so he dutifully agreed to embark on this adventure next weekend.

It also turned out that my original thought for the nursery (whales) was not exactly what I was going for either so, I took to the internet and put together my own dream nursery!  Say hello to what Pottery Barn calls "The Hamptons"... this will be my baby boy's room theme!

Anchors, nautical stripes, Ralph Lauren-esque... I sighed and immediately fell in love with all of these things. They are probably a lot more "me" than "baby" but, I figure he can grow into them :)  I hope he loves them like I do when he gets older!

Now, to the bump!!

From 22 weeks.... (above)

to 23 weeks! I think I definitely popped out a bit more in my 23rd week! Like I said, I'm feeling good and just want all the bedding and painting to be done so I can dive a little further into my nesting mode and start cleaning the room as much as I'd like to before he arrives.  I guess I have this really deep fear that he will come much earlier than he's supposed to and I won't have anything I need for his homecoming.

Anyway, I'll update more when I have something to update with! I'm focusing on sticking to our new budget (thanks to Meghan for helping me put that together), getting ready for our remodel and purchasing all the accessories for the kitchen and bathroom at a discounted price and waiting patiently to order granite (hurry up cabinets!).

Til then...

Halfway mark!

I have officially reached the halfway point in my pregnancy.  I'm 21 weeks today, and while it's exciting to realize he could be here in as little as 14 or 15 weeks (assuming I make it to 36 weeks or more), it is BEYOND terrifying.  I think it really hit me this past few days that I will be in charge of a life other than my own, and not only in charge of it, but this little life is dependent on me for food, shelter, infinite amounts of love, to make sure nothing and no one ever hurts him.  The pressure is immense, and scary.  I already love him so much and want nothing but the most amazing, beautiful things for him... that the thought of failing him is the scariest thing I've ever faced in my life.

Before, all I thought of were the silly things... what sort of stroller should I buy, will he like the stripes in his nursery?, I wonder if he'll have blue eyes like Justin... and now, all I can think of are fears that I won't measure up.  I hope I can be everything he needs me to be whenever he needs me to be it.  I don't know if Justin feels this same type of pressure or fear, but over the past few days, it has been eating away at me.  I suppose we won't know until he's here, and we're both in the game together, trying to figure out each play.  All we can do is be our very best.

On a lighter note... here's are some updated pictures.  20 weeks on top, 21 weeks on bottom.

I'm finally starting to look a bit more pregnant, although when I look in the mirror, I just see an extra layer of chubbiness that I wish would go away! I feel him moving all the time and Thursday night, April 18, Justin felt him kick for the very first time!  Granted, I was making him press hardly on my stomach but, he felt him!  It was a really sweet moment to see Justin so excited, and I think it made it a little more "real" to him.  I wonder how out of the loop dads really feel.  Women get 9 (10) months to prepare their bodies and get to know their little one, and dads just have a baby plopped in their hands.  I imagine it's strange for them!  

Anywho, no other updates here.  Kitchen and bathroom remodel will be taking place in June and I will certainly be updating with pictures then.  Baby shower planning is underway and I can't wait to see how it all turns out.  My mom is doing a wonderful job!

18 weeks & counting (plus other news!)

I haven't updated in a while, mostly because I've been extremely lazy but also because there has been so much going on, I haven't even known where to start.

Justin turned 30 on March 28!  I made him a treat for work and got him a sweet card, as well as came up with Thirty Things I love about him and had it as a surprise at his office thanks to a friend who printed it off for me.  If all goes well, he'll soon be taking guitar lessons so he can learn how to play on his dad's guitar.  I think he's really looking forward to it.  We had a huge party planned for the following Saturday but of course, he and I both came down with what seemed to be a 48 hour stomach flu/bug at 3 a.m. Saturday morning.  Needless to say, Easter and his birthday party were both canceled.  Not a fun weekend.

We had our 18 week anatomy ultrasound on April 1st and the little baby was officially confirmed to be all BOY!  We definitely saw his boy parts so there's no denying we have a little man on the way.  I consider myself fairly independent (almost to a fault, sometimes) but this is the first time I'm really looking to Justin for support as I don't know the first thing about boys.  Of course I know to love him and nurture him and teach him just the same as girls, but a mother has to do things differently with a boy.  I suppose I should reach out to all the moms of boys out there and figure out some tips :)

Now that we know for sure, we have continued on with the nursery.  We are doing a nautical/whale theme but we'll leave it at that.  I will post pictures when it's completed.  I want it to be a surprise!

As far as the pregnancy goes, I'm doing well and Justin is hanging in there.  No weird cravings, nothing I just NEED to have at 2 a.m., although Justin consistently reminds me he'd be happy to get whatever I want.  If anything, I have a serious loss of appetite and get full almost instantly.  It's almost like the best diet I've ever been on, except I'm supposed to be gaining weight.  I am sure that will come in the next few weeks.  I still don't have a "baby bump" (hate that term), but I'm sure that will come very soon, too!

I suppose since it's still not very real to me, I am worried about superficial things (does that make me a bad mom-to-be?).  I am terrified of stretch marks, although I know they are unavoidable and all a matter of genetics.  I am also watching far too many birth videos and for some crazy reason, I think I want to have this baby naturally (what. am. I. thinking?) instead of having some medicated, sterile birth where I can't move out of the bed and labor the way nature says you're supposed to... I'll probably change my mind 15 more times. More on that later.

The last big piece of news is that I have started to feel him move!  At first I wasn't sure if it was him, but after the last week, I'm positive it is!  He is relatively active during the day and seems to be a sleepy boy at night, so I'm praying that schedule stays.  Unlikely!

More after our next appointment on April 15... and when we meet with our kitchen/bathroom guy to discuss concepts and remodeling!  Can't wait for that!! It's been a long time coming!!

March happenings...

We got to see our little wiggle worm on the big screen (literally, a huge flat screen TV) at the ultrasound that tested for Down Syndrome and a variety of other chromosomal abnormalities.  So far so good, but I haven't heard back from the doctor's office to confirm.  The technician did say she felt extremely positive that everything looked A-OK, which was a huge relief for Justin and I!  I know with our ages, the likelihood is slim but it's nice just to know what to be prepared for.  The technicians also gave us an "educated guess" of about 70% on the sex of the baby, but since we don't know for SURE, we aren't sharing 'til our 18 week anatomy scan.  It's going to be so hard!

Here is one of the many pictures we received at the ultrasound:

Hard to tell, but that white thing by the baby's head is a hand and the technician thought he/she might be be trying to suck their thumb! So precious :)

It's still so hard for me to imagine a little human being growing inside of me but alas, one's in there! The last ultrasound we had, the baby was literally a little round circle on the screen and I didn't know what to think other than, "Cool."  How lame is that? This time, the baby has a head, neck, ten fingers and toes!  We even got to see baby Smith pointing at us so we know there are definitely fingers there!

On a NON-BABY note (it's hard for my mind to think of ANYTHING else lately), Justin built a raised garden bed and we have officially planted our first vegetable/fruit plants for the season!  Hopefully in about two months, we'll see some tomatoes, peppers and the beginning stages of watermelon!  So fun!

Beginning stages of the garden bed - it hasn't been filled with fertilizer or mulch yet, but it looks good!

'Til the next update...

13 weeks and counting...

On Saturday, February 23rd, I turned 13 weeks pregnant!  Last week of my first trimester and I can't say that I'm sorry to see it go... nope, not even a little bit.  The only thing that has made these past few months even remotely okay to deal with is Justin.  Without him, I'd be hidden underneath a pile of laundry to the ceiling, dirty dishes all over the kitchen and I'd most certainly be eating Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Can you sense the amount of thankfulness I have for my husband?  Anywho, here are few quick pictures to show that my stomach hasn't "popped" yet but apparently, my arms have gotten very fat instead.  Bummer!  I hear the baby will be all worth it though...

Here's to the second trimester! Yahoo!

12 week appointment

Justin and I have eagerly awaited our 12 week appointment so we could finally hear this little baby's heartbeat and see him/her move around in there on the ultrasound.  Lo and behold, my insurance company won't pay for ultrasounds (what the heck?) and therefore, one was not covered for the 12 week appointment.  I was pretty bummed out as it has been 6 weeks since the last time we saw the little round blob on the screen.  We also learned that the testing we had decided to go ahead and do (NT testing, Trisomy 18, etc.) was not "scheduled" during this last appointment so we have yet another appointment to go this week for the ultrasound and blood work.  I can't help but really feel like my doctor's office dropped the ball.  Such is life, I suppose.

On the bright side, after what felt like an ETERNITY, my doctor found the heartbeat on the doppler! 163 beats per minute and it was worth every second I had to wait to hear it.  I was so nervous I kept laughing, and I'm pretty sure every time I did, the doctor lost the heartbeat again.  Apparently the baby is hiding somewhere very deep inside my abdominal cavity on the right side.  Hopefully he/she makes a much better appearance on Friday morning for the testing.  Keeping my fingers crossed the ultrasound technician will print out a picture or two :)

Other than that, nothing exciting to report!  Justin and I had a laid back weekend and celebrated a beautiful Sunday with friends and family at a BBQ in our backyard.  Ladderball was set up in the backyard and the guys grilled steaks, pasta salad and my yummy salted caramel butter bars definitely hit the spot! I also watched Meghan's little guy Chase during the day on Sunday and we had a wonderful day.  We went for a walk through the neighborhood and played for hours and hours until he crashed out for about an hour.  It was fun practice for the arrival of our little one some time in August/early September 2013.

I'll post pictures when I have some :)

Gestating, gestating, 1, 2, 3...

On Sunday, Justin and I announced our big news - we are expecting a baby! Since a large majority of our close friends and our family already knew, we decided to announce on Facebook in a fun way.  We had our friend Shannon Lee take a cute photo of us (pictured below) to tell the internet world a baby was on the way.  We are both over the moon and so excited to start this journey together!  Justin is thinking pink and so am I.  He really wants a boy, but he has a "feeling" it's a girl.  I'm completely fine with that "feeling" as I'd love to dress up a little girl in ribbons and curls and spend my time at ballet practice instead of Little League! I guess we'll see, right? We will be ecstatic no matter what and I'm sure, with time, I will find myself enjoying dinosaurs and T-ball more than I thought I would!

Baby Smith is due August 31, 2013.  I am 11 weeks 3 days today (2/12/13) and we have our next appointment on Monday.  It seems like it has been such a long time since our previous appointment and I'm extremely excited to hear the heartbeat.  We will have a gender ultrasound at 18 weeks but we might just shell out the extra money and go to an ultrasound center at 15-16 weeks to get a sneak peek.  I don't know if I can wait another 3 weeks!

I'm not showing as of yet but I wake up every morning wondering if my clothes will start feeling any tighter - so far, nothing!  I experienced some morning sickness (which is actually more like all-day and all-night sickness) for about 3 weeks, and had some pretty serious food aversion (gagging at raw meat, the smell of leftovers).  I'm happy that is starting to subside and I can enjoy life again.  I'm even getting part of my energy back which is wonderful because we have so many things we want to do to this little nugget's nursery!

I'll update again soon.
xoxo.