Yesterday was what should have been my dad's 59th birthday. I keep waiting to find peace with his death, but it has yet to come. Each year, it gets just a little easier knowing that he is at peace and his internal demons are no longer making him suffer... but this year, this year in particular, is just a little harder for me. The whole getting married and having your dad walk you down the aisle dream... pretty much shattered. Although, I should have expected that given our past history... if he were alive today, I wonder if anything would have been different.
All curiosities aside, I miss my dad. I miss the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" dreams I once had about him, and I miss my longing to know him. That pang I feel when I realize I don't think about those dreams anymore... that's what kills me. My dream about my dad is dead, right along with him.
To my dad, I wish you all the happiness and peace you never received here on earth.
"I loved you yesterday, I love you still, I always have...I always will."
0 comments:
Post a Comment